Naruto 530-532 Triple Breakdown–Scratch That–Not-Really-About-Naruto Triple Rant-down: demotivational poster and bubblition inclusive
Two weeks of March, besides giving me three summatives to do and a robot that can play soccer to build, has afforded me the opportunity to get back in touch with that thing called popular culture: you know, catch up with the hippin’ and the hoppin’. Now being the kind individual I am, I direct you to the scroll bar located east of your screen. Click it, and drag downward until you see the gold print that reads “Leave a Reply,” or at least until after the picture #2. Because I’m about to rage up this hoe like she’s spreading the claps.
First of all, who the f*ck is this Greyson Chance all over my TV? And is there any chance he will get run over by a bus? I mean, I respect Justin Beiber for his ability to claw up the success ladder despite having no talent and all, but holy shit, if you’re going to bring your Hot Wheels Firehouse play buddies along for the ride, then we have a serious problem. The world can only handle so much pre-pubescence. Now we have pop singers belting about BDSM. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me?” Okay, I’m all for sadism and masochism, or whatever. I mean, I know I’m a masochist: I still read Bleach. But when the person singing this crap used to be the total hawtness, then we have a serious f*cking problem! And that’s when I RAGE!! Now I know she was getting off of Chris Brown black painting her eye with his fists. Forking sicko.
And one last thing, if you said you want my body now, I wouldn’t hold it against you. I’d call you a f*cking hobag. And then maybe I’d call social services on your ass.
So given all this crap, I look manga as a one source to find some relative sanity: a sanctuary of stability.
And look what I find.
Person #1: Hey man, wanna see something nasty?
Person #2: 2G1C?
Person #1: No, worse.
Person #2: Is that possible?
Person #1: 3M3S1C1B
Person #2: Huh?
Person #1: 3 men, 3 shares, 1 cola, 1 bra.
Person #2: What the fuuuuuuuck!!!
But fork that. What really makes me rageful is how, up there, I’m ordering from Domino’s when Pizzahut is doing a $10 special. And as topping to that shizza, I accidentally gave the delivery guy a 60 instead of a 40. Way to f*cking go, dyslexic Pickles. FML.
It seems the one thing I can truly rely on these days is my all-time hero, Charlie Sheen, and my new religion, Bi-winning-ology.
If you don’t catch this reference, your existence is null.
Thank the Lord Toriko or whatever it’s called isn’t the manga I have to do a breakdown for.
However, Naruto, at the moment, isn’t exactly making my job easy. Ever since that whole Ginkaku, Rumkaku fiasco, not much about the manga has been doing it for me. Them fools just tossed a fail wrench at the spinning wheel of epic. Now I’m afraid the rest of this arc may be doomed to lurk in in realms of meh for all of eternity. Or in illiterate speak: hurr durr derp, derp hurr durr durr derp.
In my honest opinion, I have no qualms with Kishi’s direction here. It’s great, actually. What I usually have issues with, sometimes, are his methods.
For example, you really don’t want to throw in the sap at least until the readers have been able to establish a connection with the character. Otherwise it’s all “Aww, your parents were killed by ninja stoners?” “Aww, you were forced to live out on the street with two gingers?” Aww, some more ninja stoners killed your pet puppy?” “Well, remember, kiddo, it’s down the road, not across the street.”
Now, second chapter into the one fight, super-ultra-mega-baddie-Hanzo is all like “I can see the faith in your smexy, baggy eyes. I keel myself now. Cya.”
I can only find consolation in drawing a parallel between this and The Last Samurai. Professor Lipton Eyes is Tom Cruise. Hanzo is the is the samurai captain ninja guy that Tom Cruise stabs in the beginning. What happens next? He bones the wife of the guy he kills.
If this keeps up, Captain Teabag-my-eyes is about to become my second all-time hero.
I do, however, admire the underlying story, though all that premature sentimentality only diluted what could have been an enjoyable experience.
The poetry was characteristic Kishi, where he establishes an alignment between the past and present, except with opposite and ironic outcomes. And in this case is where the one warrior taught the other a valuable lesson on faith, and the important ultimatum: to live faithless, or die never renouncing it. Somewhere along the line, he realizes, he has shamed himself by losing his, and decides maybe it’s time for door #2, where lies “honorable suicide.”
But yea, at this point, I’m still munching on my midnight Frosties, wondering if I need more milk. I really just couldn’t muster the ability to give a shit.
The only thing that could save me from indifference at this point is if we finally get back to Kakashi’s going gorilla poop on them swordsen, or if Kishi decides to bring back Boobs Breastentein from the giant water bottle. Or maybe Kishi should give Kakashi chesticles, and we have ourselves a complete win.
My God, did I really just say that?
And finally, it seems we are finally seeing the reasoning (which we all guessed already) behind Kabuto’s spawning those like Dan and Asuma come into play, and it appears to be working quite well.
Like with Hanzo and the Mullet Guy, the only way the three young men of Team Asuma will have a shot at winning is if they can turn this to an advantage.
Have a little faith, boys. No, really, it just might have them killing themselves.
Prospekt, how could I forget?