Naruto 527 Breakdown: So I was sitting there in the bar and this guy comes up to me and he said “My life stinks” and I saw his gold credit card and I saw the way he was looking at people across the room and I looked at his face and you know, what a good looking face, and I just said, “Dude, your perspective on life sucks.” What? I’m feeling Mika right now. Huh…that sounded terribly wrong. What? Mika has me feeling zippy tonight. Demotivational poster inclusive.

It's funny because it's canon.

So I was coming in for a flip turn way too quickly and flipping way to slowly, rammed my face smack on the wall, and now I have a sparkly band-aid under my left eye. CISAA’s tomorrow. Yea, I’m gonna be wheelin’ like a villain… But, you know, it’s all good, because all I have to do is take almost two seconds full off my 50 free time looking like freakin’ Nelly on LSD…so basically just Nelly. FML, I’m moving to Alaska.

What? I’m supposed to be talking about Naruto? Frack that; as you can see I have better things to bitch about. Like how Justin Beiber didn’t win any Grammies.

Justin Beiber didn’t win any Grammies?! Hahaha!! Feel it, buddy! Hahahaa! Burn, son daughter of a whore!

Yup, I’m back to normal now. And I be trollin’ of course. U mad bro?

It's funny because she looks like a prostitute.

Oh, that’s right, it’s Valentine’s. This is where I post a Naruto-themed love card to underscore the moment, but I’m off that right now. What you gotta do is give your mom a call; tell her that you heart her. Don’t phone late and apologize because you’d just spent an hour and  half talking with your girlfriend. You might as well send a switch blade through her chest. You know what they say, moms before tampons, man…because by the time you’re old enough to send them Val cards, they probably don’t need that stuff anymore.

Notice my reluctance to get into anything Naruto-related right now. At this point, I’m trying pretty desperately to avoid that topic by bringing up menstruation, etc., and I’m sitting here wondering how much more you guys can take before you’re wondering what the hell I’ve been smoking (if, of course, you haven’t been wondering that since I started doing Naruto breakdowns.)

So before I get into the miracle of child birth, why don’t we switch gears a bit: back on course, I mean.

What else burns with witches? Je--errr, soup...

“Watch your mouth! Your catchphrase could be your last words!”

Lulz, cool story, bruh.

Now, seriously, where’s the chapter?

That was it?

I want my money back.

What? No, I mean the money I pay Comcast every month for this shit.

I wonder what else Kishi lets his toddlers write…

*five years later at Kishimoto’s divorce*

Lawyer: “Well, Masashi, according to this prenub, all you get are the Play Doh Bucket Full of Fun and this Deluxe Wiggles Dance Mat.”

If you colored up the chapter, tossed some sub-standard animation into the mix, what you would have is filler rivaling the crapness of “Unmask Kakashi.” …And that crap was on a whole other level of crap. At least, something a little bit more mature would have been a smooth start. Think “WWPS – What Would Pickles Say?”

Like this.

First of all, what in the name of the Lord was with those twins’ ability? The whole battle felt like one giant Pokemon sequence.

Kinkaku: Rope of Clarity, use Wring!

Gingaku: Seven Star Sword, use Curse!

How about you tell Muk to use Soil on the American President…again…


So they steal your catchphrases and basically kill you with it. Ok, Kishi, the line between original and retarded is just as fine as that between different and Lady Gaga. I mean, I know a person that insists that’s what she said to every single random-ass statement including “I’m turning on the radio now,” “I’ll BBM you the number,” “Hey, Britney, I have diarrhea and a cup here, you wanna–” errr… anyway, my point is, I see how that ability can be useful. But seriously? In a manga, that’s just trolltastic, dude.

Honestly, it’s like Kishi decided to life swapsies with Kubo for the week. I mean, Bleach was actually goo–*reads Bleach*…well…anyway, my point still stands…

Those twins must take teabagging a little too seriously.

Anyone watch the game yesterday?

Of course the elite Chesty and Testy here were no match for the all-excelling power of filler, and they were quickly trolled into what looks like a giant water bottle. Unfortunately, I doubt they’re gone for good. Kishi wouldn’t relinquish such a significant concentration of fanservice. I’m talking about Samui. Or more specifically, Samui’s breasts.

What really does it for me isn’t the fact that the chapter felt like filler, but the fact that it felt like shit filler. As I believe I’ve sort of hinted at before, that final caption was the undigested cherry on top. I’m literally going “Eh?” at the end of the chapter. And now I’m this hooge spirit bomb ready to explode on Kishi. It’s my alter ego, I am…Pickles Fierce.

I better stop now before I get so rattled, I actually go do something productive with my life…like read a book. Despicable.

You vile demon!

Alright, so I overstated things a little…okay, a lot. But it’s only because I had such high expectations for this event, especially going by the simple truth that everything else about this war since has been tendered so masterfully. Still, it’s only the beginning of this segment of the war so I’m hoping this less than stellar start will be a thing of the past soon enough. Otherwise, angry mobs with blow torches, straight razors and Vaseline never hurt anyone…severely…


Here’s the winner.

Let me guess, to blow up the truck and clear the way?

Lol! Someone remind me why I haven’t done these in such a long time?

Voice inside head: “Because you’re a lazy little prick.”

Oh, right.

Insert possible caption here.

Have fun.


Prospekt, how could I forget?



~ by Captain Pickles on February 16, 2011.

41 Responses to “Naruto 527 Breakdown: So I was sitting there in the bar and this guy comes up to me and he said “My life stinks” and I saw his gold credit card and I saw the way he was looking at people across the room and I looked at his face and you know, what a good looking face, and I just said, “Dude, your perspective on life sucks.” What? I’m feeling Mika right now. Huh…that sounded terribly wrong. What? Mika has me feeling zippy tonight. Demotivational poster inclusive.”

  1. FIRST

  2. second :D, nice breakdown CP

  3. Third!

    I will comment when my brain starts working again. X__x

  4. 4th! I’ll comment when the new chapter comes out and I find out where I left my reading glasses.

  5. Fifth!

  6. I got pickpocketed today. Was in a shitty mood till I started reading this. Pickles, love you bro. Be my belated valentine! :*

  7. oh man these fillers annoy me -_-
    *reads bleach*
    oh man these bleaches annoy me -_-


    Bubble: Ash, you bastard!!! Retreat!
    Caption: Yeah Ash, you’re the Pokeman now!

  8. Spoilers are out.

  9. Bubblition;

    Bubble; I’m not a Ghost!!!

    Caption; If there’s something strange
    in your neighborhood
    Who ya gonna call?

  10. Bubblition;

    blowjobs are so last year, its all about suck jobs now

  11. This Breakdown was creative and…different. I still enjoyed it though, it was more food for my dirty dirty mind.

    Caption: Somethings are just taken way too seriously.

  13. Bubble: My fortune told me someone was going to suck me, This guy is NOT what I had in miiiiiiinnnnnnddddd.
    Caption: Well, it’s sucks to be you.

  14. @ kanton – hahahahaha

    And that kids is where babies come from!
    Stork just got F’d over by a pot.

    Sucking Head First….

  15. “First of all, what in the name of the Lord was with those twins’ ability? The whole battle felt like one giant Pokemon sequence.”

    According to the !!!SPOILERS!!!, Kinkaku will turn into something that looks like a black pikachu.

    Pickles is gonna have a field day breaking down the next chapter.
    I’m already looking forward to the fresh serving of filth with a nice crusty layer of pokémon jokes/references. ^__^

  16. Everything’s black in Kumogakure. Even the Pokemon.

    Oh, and I demand this chapter not to suck so much. ;D

  17. Naruto’s out

  18. DAMN YOU SORA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You ruined the fun for me since I was expecting their transformation ever since you showed up. Darui is a pretty cool guy though, and Raikage’s a dick for not remembering Shi lol. I award Kakuzu 1 Awesome Point for his reaction.

    …Anyone else felt pity for Ginkaku calling his big bro for help there? Maybe its cuz I have big brothers…

  19. yeah Kakazu was pretty awesome but I am starting to get annoyed with this war its too spread, it has too little focus, too much we missing 😦 and too much random chaos. I am confused most of the time and most of the battles will just be negelected, though I don’t care about seeing Kakazu it was Bad@$$ his reaction lol

    and the one bro can transform. maybe these are the illegitimate children of the Raikage and the Nine Tailed Fox O_O

  20. Bubble: Tellthemthatidiedkissingawomaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan…!

    Caption: Because being “sucked” could mean other things.

  21. Can anyone explain to me when Darui said, “dull”? I read it a few times over again but it just keeps passing right over my head. Was it that he said it but it wasn’t shown to us until later? Nvm, I’ll just wait for someone else to explain. I’m sure it’ll be obvious.

    A decent chapter, but I don’t know why Kishi is focusing the battles on these particular characters any longer than this. I’m not interested in them anymore past that crazy story and Darui being a general. Well, I thought that 3/4 way through the chapter but this Jinchuuriki transformation should prove interesting if other people get involved. Yay Darui you’re great alright let’s move on to someone else…

    I did laugh pretty hard when the reason for Darui’s survival was the word “sorry” quickly replaced his other most said word out of his entire life right at that crucial moment. And I didn’t even know Kakuzu was on the battlefield already.

    As for the hectic battling it is a war with an enormous amount of characters involved so I’m not surprised. What Kishi needs to do is give each the character we actually care about an epic scene with them doing some attack or at least talking.

  22. @superdude, He said: “オレはボスの右腕だ 類似品じゃねエ” in Japanese. The word “類似品” is pronounced ruijihin, and just before that he says ‘右腕だ’ which is “migiudeda”.

    “migiudeda ruijihin”. The end of “migiudeDA” and the start of the next word he said “RUIjihin” spells out “DARUI” which means “dull”. The translators had to make up something close to that so they used “anD” with “I’ll”, which if you pronounce lazily will sound like “Dull”.

    …Was that clear enough?

  23. Lol, yes it was and thanks.

  24. @supertrek

    Actually, the english translators had their own way of passing his words of as dull.

    Look carefully at that page and read what he says. He says “and I’ll”, at one point. But it also sounds simillarly pronounced to “and dull”.

    You’ll even notice that Darui himself realised this. He even put the “d” from and and the “I’ll” together in his thoughts.

    I thought it was pretty smart for them to come up with that for the english translation.

    My real question is…. Why on earth is Ginkaku’s one tail so long? It looks like it is stretching a few kilometers from his body. O_o

  25. Thumbs up for Kakuzu, my favorite member of the Akatsuki he doesn’t whine how much his life sucked, he just wants money and he wanted your beating heart for an extension of his own life not immortality.

  26. @Kanton, you do realize he only has his powers because he went into despair right? lol

  27. @kisu I said he didn’t Whine about it. Compare to Dojutsu wielding emo “My pain is greater than yours,” ridiculous.

  28. @Kanton if killing everyone that screwed you over isn’t whining then I don’t know what is lol.

  29. @kisu What Sasuke and Nagato rants about the loses being the worse and that no else has suffered as much as they had.

  30. @Kisu

    Kantonkage was referring to Kakuzu with regards to not whining, as opposed Sasuke. I think you got confused there, unless I am missing something.

  31. Caption:

    It sucks to be him…

  32. @Tenrai: Kisu already explained it but thanks.

    As for Ginkaku’s tail being so long it probably got stuck in between one of the 9 Tails teeth as he was being puked out or something. ~_~

    @Kakuzu: Yeah, Kakuzu doesn’t whine like the rest and the dude went out like such a badass!

    A conceited old man that doesn’t know when it’s his time and wondering how a bunch of “kids” defeated him. I’m lovin’ it. And it’s not like he was “whining” about his defeat. He was just…confused! You know how old people get.

  33. @Tenrai, nope I know its Kakuzu he’s talking about. Killing everyone that wronged him is part of Kakuzu’s origin story. He stole Takigakure’s forbidden technique (Earth Grudge Fear), killed the elders of his village and stole their hearts, then ran away. The Elders had imprisoned him for failing to kill Hashirama.

    @Kanton, I’m just teasing 😛

  34. @super It’s stereotypical for villains to do that but compare a certain two people I will destroy your village because
    A) It will teach you pain not that it compared to mine, mind you.
    B) I will kill everyone because they’re too happy at the expense of my family. I don’t care that there where planning a coup. I don’t care whether you were in on it or like the mass majority.
    Also Pain got his revenge killing both Hanzo and those random Konoha ninjas yet he still whined how his pain is greater than everyone else. He probably said this to the infants he probably killed.

  35. @Kanton, thems fighting words! Pain killing Hanzo would’ve stopped him if he was looking for revenge, but he wasn’t. He wanted to rule Amegakure without riots or unrest so he killed Hanzo and his faction by himself (I love pointing out that little fun fact). His attack on Konoha wasn’t revenge either. Lest you forget he was leaving until Tsunade started running off her mouth even though she knew she couldn’t stop him if he were to attack, which he did.

  36. @Kanton: Stereotypical or not the poor old man died terribly and I think he had a fit of Alzheimer near the end.

    I wonder how he’ll die this time. I’m predicting simultaneousness heart attacks from all the excitement.

    Nah I kid, Kakuzu’s a S Class ninja but he doesn’t ring “success” to me. Failed to kill the 1st Hokage, became an outcast, and got killed by a bunch of “kids”.

    Gets brought back as a zombie and chokes out fodder ninja. This is Kakuzu.

  37. @kisu Tsunade called him a hypocrite for calling himself a god of “peace” and all he was angered by it and proved her right and destroyed the village just because.

  38. @Kanton, I’m glad I bookmarked these pages a long time ago 😛

    As you can see Pain said he’d even help them if they cooperated. Tsunade just shot off her mouth. Pain didn’t blow away Konoha because Tsunade called him out, he blew it away because it would stand in Akatsuki’s way in the future since it has a leader that wont cooperate.

    Its strange…even Hidan has a higher kill count on named characters than Kakuzu.

  39. @kisu that is the equivalent of a burglar breaking into your house then later finds what he’s looking for then offers them help at the cost of one of your children sort to speak. And then there the Revenge-obsessed Uchiha who happen to be apart of Akatsuki.

  40. @Kantonkage

    To be honest Kanton, I am just about as stern as you are with regards to my view of Nagato’s or Sasuke’s acts as villains and there are a lot of things that you or I would definitely regard as unnacteptable.

    However, I think Kisu is trying to look at things from Nagato’s viewpoint by saying that his actions were carried out for the sake of peace and not simply for the sake of revenge. You and I may see it as revenge, and in some twisted way, that may be exactly the case, but in Nagato’s mind, he may not have seen it the same way.

    That could be because he had a messed up mind, or because he saw the world differently, or other countless reasons, and the simple fact is that others will use that type of reasoning to defend the validity of his intentions as not being purely evil. Whether or not it was for revenge or for peace, I guess we will never truly know for certain, because we will always have a reason to second guess his intentions, but in the end, when you have these moral debates (believe me, I know) you will find it hard to argue against someone’s beliefs if they have chosen one answer over the other.

    In saying that, this is one of the reasons I see Sasuke as a far more henious villain than Nagato was, mostly because his intentions are based purely on revenge and he himself has asmitted that. There are no ulterior motives that we know of, just the desire to cause suffering to others, even those who had nothing to do with the death of his family. It is a purely selfish desire.


    Remember, just because someone has justified their actions or intentions to themselves as a form of divine intervention that is necessary to make the world better, that does not make their actions necessarily good or even justified as a whole. Just look at Hitler and the holocast. He thought he was cleansing the world of an inferior race, but that kind of reasoning could never justify the killing of millions of men, woman and children. Some actions or just evil, regardless of how you look at them.

  41. Gurarararara…it’s good to sniff at the air around here. Worthwhile break from heavy writing. The air does indeed smell nice here, and the fragrance of the breakdowns and the overwhelming presence of a notable individuals lingers in the air, an ethereal reminder of the presence of awesomeness.

    I’ll give comments once in a while when I can. Writing’s a sissy, but anything for the lads. Hope you guys all stay virgins-good boys and girls.

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