In a galaxy far far away…

…was someone with some time on their hands. Dynamic is back on duty! 8D… sort of.

I thought I’d kick things off with this small extract from a crack fic I came up with on the spot around 20 minutes ago. Yes, it’s random. BELIEVE IT!

I am now high on tiredness (is that even a word?) as per having to look after 2 ten-month-old brothers for weeks on end and then socializing in three different countries. There is a certain sense of change around dynamic when she’s tired. Oh great, the third person typing has begun. DUN DUN DUN DUUUN.

… and the special effects.

This includes Sasgay-bashing, Vader-bashing, a very stylish Orochimaru and some UCHIHA GENDER BENDING! You know you want it. 8D

Ill grant you that-- he makes a VERY convincing female. ^^

I'll grant you that-- he makes a VERY convincing female. ^^

Without further ado, something I’ve cooked up in twenty minutes and need opinions on:

Sasuke Uchiha in… THE DEATH STAR

“Sasuke…” Huff, huff. “I am your father.” the dark man wheezed.

The heir of the Uchiha clan stared at him for a full ten seconds before his face broke out into a beaming smile.

“Daddy!” he squealed. “I thought you were dead!”

Then he glomped the man like there was no tomorrow.

“Whu- What?” spluttered Darth Vader, caught completely off guard. “What is the meaning of this? Orochimaru?” He looked over to where a man dressed in a long dark cape sat at the controls of the Death Star and filed his nails in apparent boredom. His face resembled that of a snake, with horrendous make-up too. It was a mystery as to how he’d gotten this far up the ladder in the Death Star, seeing as he never really did anything (except for those strange evil laughs everyone admired). Many rumours about the love affair between him and their beloved Lord had begun to circle the giant ship.

“Don’t know, Lord Vader. He’s your kid. Probably has something to do with the way you’ve brought him up.” he shrugged.

“But I didn’t!”

“That might also be a contributing factor.”

Darth Vader sighed, prying the overjoyed boy from his cape (an action which almost made him wish he could simply cut off the boy’s arms with his laser sword) and attempted to get into character again.

“Sasuke, do you wish to join the dark side?” he asked in his typical low voice which had made the fangirls scream through the generations.

“Does that include candy?” asked the boy suspiciously.

There was the sort of silence you get when two people simply aren’t going to understand each other’s point of view at all.

“Uh, no…” Huff. “I don’t think so?” It had sounded more like a question. Damn this whole business with the evil appearances! He needed a holiday. A long one. And it had better not include long-lost relatives.

“Then no.” the young man scrunched up his face. “Who’s that, by the way?”

He pointed at a cage at the far end of the room. There was a gloomy shape lying on the floor of its cell.

Darth Vader looked like Christmas had come early that year. He could finally corner the stupid boy!

“That there… is your sister, Itachi! Whom I have captured and plan to kill if you do not submit!”

The doors of the cell were flung open and the woman that had been lying there brought out, held up by two guards. Darth Vader smirked. This was his trump card. This was what would end all foolishness and allow the boy to submit to his plans and-

“BWAHAHAHA…” His thoughts were cut off by a sudden explosion of the loudest laughter he’d ever heard.

The young Uchiha was lying on the floor, clutching his stomach and laughing for all it was worth. He looked positively hysterical as he pounded the ground with his fist repeatedly and nearly chocked as he attempted to stop.

He raised a shaking finger and pointed it at his ‘sister’, still unable to stop laughing.

“This is jut too good.” he hiccoughed in between sentences. “Oh my God, Itachi’s in DRAG!”

This new statement brought about another round of uncontrollable hysterics from the raven haired boy as he began rolling around on the floor of the space ship, gasping for air.

Darth Vader stared at the boy before moving his gaze over to his prisoner.

Itachi was a beautiful woman, in his mind. Well…

Oh fine. So she had some resemblance to a man, but she was pretty enough. She had some strange scars on her face that looked like bags under her eyes, and a chin that was certainly more square than most, but she was a woman nonetheless. Her dress was normal too. White and elaborate. There was NOTHING wrong with his daughter.

There was something almost obscenely wrong with his son, however.

“Sasuke…” he began, in a futile attempt to sound intimidating, but was cut off again.

“Oh my GOD! I wish I’d brought a camera for this!” exclaimed the boy as he guffawed. “This is seriously even BETTER than having to kill him. I wish Naruto could see this… ” he gasped in between bursts of chuckling.

Meanwhile, Itachi, who had not taken kindly to being a damsel in distress, was taking her brother’s amusement even less kindly. Meaning that her pupils were slowly dilating and her face was contorting into that of a woman scorned. And hell couldn’t even DREAM of having the sort of fury she now possessed.

“Sasuke nii-chan…” she whispered in a low, dangerous voice. “What is it about me that you find amusing?”

The boy barely paid her attention as he was still having a hard time stopping the hysterical laughter that had taken over him.

She glared and stomped up to him, throwing the guards’ strong hold off herself as though they were kittens.

“You’re supposed to be rescuing me, you dolt!” she yelled at the Uchiha heir. When he didn’t respond, she kicked his stomach with the point of her heel.

“And you’re supposed to be a guy!” replied the boy, sitting up and rubbing the spot she’d hit. Itachi roared.

“You… You… You little cockroach!” she screamed as she began attempting to stomp down onto him with her heel. The boy was fast, however. He rolled out of the way, laughing all the while.

This was a scene to behold.

It lasted a little longer than ten minutes.Β It was at that point that Darth Vader got slightly annoyed.

“Orochimaru…” he said warningly. The snake man lifted his eyes off his now perfectly filed nails and sighed.

“One garbage disposal coming up.” he said as his finger came down on a small brown button in the middle of the control panel.

There was a fwop, and soon all you could see of the arguing siblings were two spots in the distance outside the main window.

Darth Vader sighed and slumped back into a chair next to his subordinate.

“Well that was a mistake.” he said dejectedly.

“Don’t worry Lord Vader,” said Orochimaru soothingly. “There’s always that other guy.”

“What, the distant relative of yours? He’s even creepier than you.” sighed Darth Vader.

“Still, he’s got that evil vibe in him.”

“Yeah…”

“Should I send him in?” asked Orochimaru carefully. Darth Vader nodded. He was taking risks today.

Orochimaru pressed a button. A moment later, there was a crash outside the control room. The door exploded.

Out of the smoke came… a slick, dark and evil voice.

“Where is the Potter boy?”

“…”

“…”

A moment later, Lord Voldemort found himself cartwheeling through space.

Orochimaru looked over his nails one more time before standing up.

“Want a coffee?”

End Madness

Yes, this was a crack fic. It was a joke. A bad one. But my muse came up to me as I was reading, bashed me on my head with a frying pan, dragged me to the computer and sat me down to write.

Perhaps that’s why I love her so? >.<

And this is in salute to all the members I’ve missed here on WRA while I was gone. *salutes* That includes everyone. ^^

Cheers and hoping I’ll be able to write again soon (my muse has turned her back on me again),

Eva (aka dynamicentrance)

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~ by dynamicentrance on August 8, 2009.

10 Responses to “In a galaxy far far away…”

  1. 1st πŸ˜›

  2. I can be 1st again now in online πŸ™‚
    Good post by the way πŸ˜‰

  3. SECOOOOOOOOOOND!!

  4. you’re right, Total crack πŸ˜‰ aww was mightly craic though lol. So are we expecting you back then?

  5. @cookie: yup! *crosses fingers* though things get hard when you have two mini-brothers. V.V

    This fic has a story behind its creation too, you know. Namely, I was in Sweden visiting the only OTHER manga maniac I know and we were walking around the harbor looking for dead fish. Then we came up with this.

    It’s kind of scary. O_O

  6. LMAO @ Voldemort being related to Orochimaru and Itachi in drag! πŸ˜„ Very entertaining crack fan-fic you got here Dynamic it’s a shame Danzou wasn’t in it to be made fun of. Was he the over lord Orochimaru was having relations with? πŸ˜‰

    YOSH!!! Come back quick Dynamic and bring your abusive muse with you. *salutes* πŸ˜€

  7. nice lol

  8. that’s Itachi in the pic? Uh-oh…

  9. well were you get crack i want some lmao

  10. Its been on year since august and this is the first time iv read it……wow…..XD hahah *cough* anyway back to the post! Hahahahah omg *dies on the floor* where did u get the crack and can I have some @_@

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